It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
