Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
