In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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