Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
