do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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