your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
