bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
