her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
