State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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