My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ladies don't puke and tell
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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