Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My ATM looks so different sober.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
