I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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