just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
