hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
