Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
