Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
How's work?
Spinning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
