Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize