It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Well I just put wine in my tea
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
