Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
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