Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize