Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
