If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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