All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
