I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
did you just send me my own nude
This is my life. Enjoy the view
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
