OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
