Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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