And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
