the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
