Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
