Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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