guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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