i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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