I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
