they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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