sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
