Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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