I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
