I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
