I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
