I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have fence marks all over my body
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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