he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
