carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
