My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
