I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
