I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
birth control should be required to get into college
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
