Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
