Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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