Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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