Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize