Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
