not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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