I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize