You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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