Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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