please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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