Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they're like a gay fantastic four
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
