Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
