He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
