So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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