We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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