I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
