Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
