Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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