my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
