Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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