I got chris browned last night
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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