She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want nice things and good sex
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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